MU is down 9pts can u believe it????? fcuk...f ferguson...i seriously think tat there is nowhere else but downwards for MU...shdn't have sold beckham..shdn't have sold veron..wth was he thinking!!! haiZ...ok...enuf of this..time really flies..its like repeating all over again...friday nite trng..sat morn...sunday game...monday trng....blah blah.....n its going so damn fast...next week,or shd i say this week(since sunday is the 1st day of the week =P ),is do or die manZ..but leave everything to wat god has planned for u...its alwaz for ur good..everything happens for a reason,a reason beyond what we humans can ever predict..only god knows...if i dun make it,fine..if i make it,i tink its gonna be a tougher decision for me..so...make it easy for me god =0 but u noe wat,im starting to put the past behind me..firmly...not wanting to think or bother abt wat has happened..whether it affected my significantly or not..n whenever my mind strays,i wld give myself a slap..tats for living in the past...u can't improve ur quality of life if u r forever living in the past..n yeah,today is the 29th of feb..dun mind me,but i was wondering..i tot feb only has 28 days???!!??? LolX...once in 4 years..haPpi bDay to thoSe! cheErS =) n yeah,game day...i feel tat we deserve to go back wif something..some points..1 or 3 doesn't matter..as long as all of us do our best..u noe wat..mum told me not to do architecture..huge projects...years of study...n really to my big big surprise n horror,she asked me to do accounting..WTH..she admits tat long hours r needed but "accountants are in demand" wTF...den y not u go study accounting urself...i have 0 interest in such mundane stuff n if u wan me to endure 3 or 4 years of boring university years,im better off dead..sometimes i wonder y some pple can't think properly...tats infuriating..dun impose such things on me..so..back to square one..its not tat im afraid of hard work,but i chose architecture cuz it is the closest i can get to interior design or simply design..graphic design seems not bad too..interesting..but if i were to tell my parents "mum,dad,i want to study interior design at TP.." can u imagine the response..n bloody hell,NUS doesn't offer interior design..nor NTU..not to say SMU...hAi,i shd have gone to poly in the 1st place..but as i said,everything happens for a reason..wat reason i dun noe...so,there is less motivation in me when i realised tat i have to study for soooo many years,something which is not what i originally wanted,but just something close..u get me??? wth,y can't i just decide...oh yeah,a deviation...U life is really exciting,if u get involved in all the activities..there are sooOoo many sports to play there n wah lah..so exciting!!! i wanna join!! ok...STOP!! look forward =I

tmr is game day..vs NUS...at NUS...they beat us 3-0 in the league once..but i tink we can handle them tis time(not too optimistic or pessimistic =P )..anw,smtg happened to mario..she mistakenly took her fren's lit bk n was accused of stealing it..well,these things do happen but ultimately i always believe,if u did not do it,u did not do it.there's nothing to fear.."if u have fear,buy a dog." so mario,dun fear =I take difficulties as experiences,sap off all their energy n grow to be a better person!! applies to me n everyone else too...nobody can avoid such things from happening but u can definitely learn from them..yeah manZ...cheErs!!

so sianZ...chatting on msn wif elmo..tried solitaire showdown dunno how many times but not available...ayE...wat is eluding us??gaGagagaGagaga...(baby larfing).. =P siGh..so tired...waiting for adobe acrobat to complete downloading!!! so sianZZZzzzzzzZZZZZ....46%.....47%......48%.....52%....stOP!!!...tat darvina arh..said to meet online...where r u!!!!!!!????!!!!.......

lalaLalaLala...still in my hapPi moOd..=) i decided to take up driving..seriously..yeah..learning basic theory now..so interesting!! i never knew road signs could be tat fun to learn..haH..ok..yeah,really got to spice up my life..otherwise damn boring..O level results out toDay..aLL the besT,Liza!! n charanjit!! haha..n my big day next week..loLx..nth to worry abt really..i cant do anytg abt it..haH..im thinking of learning the cello..sounds real cool n nice when i heard jay chou playing it..wah lah..den want to try new sports toO!! like gateball,squash,touch rugby,handball....haha..but have to do a bit of hw to find out abt them 1st lar..tat would make life fufilling!! =) sigh..mario's comp crashed so cant chat wif her...loLx..nvm,still got elMo!! we have yet to complete our solitaire showdown!! =P ok,nth much really....ta`ta..

i really have to blog this!! cuz im so hapPi!!! =) =) =) haHahaaA...ok..cuz i had a good time at trng..not the best of times but felt happi abt myself n the pple there..at least most of the pple..we played 2 side n i scored!! plus plus...i set up 1 for darvina!!lolX..i played a wall pass wif her den my first touch got past carol,den i went across carol's back n whacked the ball past Su...haHa..ok,actually i didn't contact the ball well but i wanted to make sure tat no matter wat,it was gonna end up at the back of the net..tat was my only thought when i approached goal..n i did it!! haHa..the other one was when darvina was a little in front of me,to my right..she played back the ball for me to shoot but i saw mario coming towards me n i faked a shot which made mario jumped n i immediately side passed back to darvina whu scored!!!! lolX..v happi...=) =) =) i tink its my first haPpi bLog since dunno when..heE...althou we lost e game but i tink we played ok lar..haHa..another thing which made me hapPi just now...im no longer aimless!!! hah..i mean,i have decided on my plan B...its gonna be...........architecture!!!!!!!!! cheerS!!! yeah,im gonna study architecture..if i get into U...if not,i will study interior design..im gonna design the most sophisticated,acclaimed,creative building ever!!! oh yeah manz..i really want to stick to a final decision n not tuo ni dai shui...loLx..SO,im so hapPi today!!! yaY..!! n oso so long nv c darvina,suddenly saw her today,looked more chio(!!!!)....hAha..but she still nv tell me her blog(soB..) =P mario said she was pissed today cuz of the way her side played..she said she hardly got the ball...well,sensitive issue..better not say too much..for me to know,for u to guess..loLx..okok..so here's my HapPi blOg..i stayed up just to blog tis noe..haha..hope those reading tis will be haPPi toO!! cheErs!! =)

wth! someone used my nick to tag on elmo's blog..n tat comment made was(to me) pretty stupid..i really wonder whu the b***** h*** did tat...im not angry wif u,elmo,for revealing tat on ur blog...tat wasn't me!!ok..relax..but wth! shyt person..

when i was on my way to trng,something which somehow troubled me happened.as i was on my way to the escalator which led to the exit at orchard mrt,there was tis middle aged woman in front of me.1 look n u noe she isn't fit,walked too slowly n sad to say,her body wasn't proportionate(im trying to put tis nicely).we were going up the escalator(there was no downward escalator) when we saw another middle-aged woman trying to get down to the station using the stairs.wat really caught our attention was tat tat lady had to sit on the steps n slowly pull herself down 1 step at a time..i guessed she injured her leg cuz she had a bandage on.. a sort of wrap on her knee..tat lady in front of me immediately stopped to,i guessed,help her while i just turned my attention away n away i went to the bus stop.tat was when i realised...where's my conscience??dun i even bother to stop to help tat unfortunate lady??tat even someone less fortunate than me has the heart to stop n do something tat i definitely can do much better?i was feeling a bit guilty but tat didn't stop me from moving on...haiZ...silly me..i feel like a weak soul..but alwaz rem,there are alwaz pple whu r less fortunate than thyself..aye...i ought to be more compassionate..=l

i was really trying to be happy at yesterday's trng.it sort of worked out budden sort of didn't oso..haH..anw,i had a good tok wif coach after tat impt decision i made n he was really assuring.i felt much better after the tok but i noe tat i still have a lot to improve on.the most touching thing was tat reg told me tat she n her gang wld support me all the way..haHa..tat was really nice but at tat point of time,i really didn't noe how to react,although i admit i was a little surprised as well as touched..heE..den we n elmo took 2 pics,which turned out pretty nice on my hp but when i loaded it to the comp,u can't see anything!!(r u reading tis elmo??) haha..n elmo was v nice too...she remembered her promise..=) anw,today got a day's break althou somehow i dun really need it.i just want to get back to trng..haHa..after trng yesterday,went to pasir ris chalet..the whole damn place was so noisy when i reached there wif mummy..cuz u noe wat..berd's fren was there n they were having a some kind of "family day"..n there were KFC balloons all over..oh well,so the eb gals got cooped up in a small room till abt 10pm..luckily there was tv..az n sam were really farnie wif all their crap as we watched lightyears..hahaha..zuhrah,farah,jill,pam,sav n meli were there too..but i didn't really feel comfortable staying too long so i left ard 11..i couldn't stay anyway..no point oso..haH...now tat a few of the u19 gals were promoted to the national side,i somehow could sense something different about the atmosphere during trng..maybe its just me...i dun noe..there's like tis unfamiliar atmosphere..n now that there are a few national team players joining us,things r changing..dun noe whether is for the good or bad but hopefully,we all can get along well..we definitely need to..later into the nite,angeline msged me..u noe wat she said??haha...she asked if i was ok cuz she saw tat i looked v sad(sad,not angry) throughout trng..heE..i seriously dun noe if i did look tat way..maybe yes,maybe no...=l i dun carry a mirror wif me u noe...didn't really expect tat from her too..since we weren't v close..so tats y i was a bit surprised n of cuz,touched...heE...haiZ...it was i tink,the 1st time tat i felt like i was breaking apart doing something i alwaz liked..n have passion for..i hope tis doesn't last..nt gd...there's really no time to be exhausted..u will lose momentum...=l yar,n i finally got to learn abt fallacies..! its so damn interesting althou i can't really remember all of them..thx elmo!! alwaz trust a rgs gal to come up wif these..loLx..

ai yo!! headache!! after yesterday's meet wif sarah,wanqi,syd,cuiqin n cherysa,n some girls' talk..lolx..i had doubts about taking mass comm...=P syd wanted to take tat too..but oh no!! now tat i seriously n thoroughly looked thru the employment prospects,i realised tat i really dun look forward to tat!! uhoh...haiZ...so its down to psychology??!!?? y can't i just make a final decision!! "zui hou jue ding!!"??? haH...darvina gave me a shock manz..she read my blog! n tagged me..i dun rem giving her my add thou i remembered telling her i have a blog..haHa..(r u reading this darvina!!??!!) =) IOIO...if i take psychology,have to take social work(wth)...hOOooOOowwwwWWWwwww...!!!!anw wat seriously makes me tink tat i can make it to U...=O enuf!! i'll leave everything to wat god has planned..haHa..n take my mind off it..i have enuf to think abt for today...loLx..

haha..i decided not to go for trng today.. ;) partly cuz i feel disgusted by myself n oso,im meeting my college frens for dinner!!! lolx...haha..it has been a long time since i met them...hmMmm...abt 3months...n its an all-girls nite out!! =) i guessed i seriously got hooked onto solitaire showdown after i played wif elmo tat time..but haven't seen her online for a few days oredi..lolX...tmr after trng,go buffet at bungalow!! yeah,decide to go there lar..n maybe spend my wednesday there too...berd still so generous leh,say will pay my cab fares to trng..lolX...i dun noe if yesterday wld continue to haunt me but i made an impt decision today n told coach..he said he wanted to speak to me later but i guess he wld have to leave tat till tmr..i kind of feel intimidated or dun really look forward to one 2 one serious talk wif anyone..i alwaz feel tat tat person wld be able to look thru me..haha...wat shit...anw,i shdn't fear anytg rit...lolX...i feel v disgusted when pple keep shouting when play is going on,especially at u..i hate tat feeling..yesterday was sort of back into tat state once again..n u noe wat...there were a b***** group of NTU pple at the stands,of cuz supporters of TR,n shouting for bernard to,oh well,"go home"...wat shit..i didn't think it was fair to us tat the game coincided wif TR's duno wat the hell event,where they gathered all their b***** supporters n organise some b***** carnival..we weren't told in advance n i tink tats really not fair to us..but anw,nothing is fair..nobody is...even tat penalty,hah,it was clearly outside the box...wat shit...anw,everything's over..oh yah! i met david at the stadium yesterday.it has been more than a yr since i met him.he was having a charity run yesterday.didn't really say much..alrit! its a brand new week n i shd start it off well!!today!! let bygones be bygones!! the future awaits!!

determination n perseverance can certainly create miracles.i have seen one wif my own eyes.determination n perseverance can certainly cover up flaws.i have seen one wif my own eyes.but i will not believe tat determination n perseverance alone will carry u 2 far.alwaz believe what u r capable of n expect the best of urself.do not compromise urself.do not shortchange urself.u r the ultimate.some pple get stuck in a certain phase for a longer period than the rest,but that doesn't mean tat on the flip side,success is too far away.do not give up,ever,otherwise u would be letting urself down.....

Thomas Edison tried 20,000 times before he finally invented the light bulb.After each failure,he admitted,accepted,adjusted n act..can u do the same?

eLLo..guess wat! i saw the Kicking It commercial on adidas.com/football...really coOL!!! my goodness...wif beckham n wilkinson,u definitely expect the best..n becks was pretty good at those rugby kicks toO..! lolx..jonny was oso really good at those free kicks..u shd see him in action manZ..wah lah..those curlers..lolx...yar,i met gwen at dhoby ghaut tis morning..lolx...so long nv c her..not v long but den,still a number of weeks...dun noe wat to do today leh...so boring...hmMmmm...can't do liftings cuz my damn elbow still not ok..haiZ...n tmr is the biG game!! ahHhhh...a bit nervous thinking abt it now really...lalalalallaalallalalalalala...

haiz...today's trng wasn't bad...we played 2 side almost from the start...n my team was against ***'s...actually i dun noe wat happened n i dun noe y but i get really really pissed off when i just see tat ******* face n i get so uptight..i played wif anger(converted to aggression) during the 2 side n throughout the whole time,my whole mind was just to win the game n make sure we win..CANNOT LOSE...not to ***....i wun allow it..n we won i guessed..lolx..maybe its a good thing tat im so uptight..i really ran back n forth the damn field n was really tired...n i got only 1 goal...lolX..but made good passes lar...how i wished *** didn't exist..at least get out of my sight..FOREVER..lolX..so evil...haHa..anw,elmo finally showed me tat piece of philosophy thingy..the fallacy stuff n it was pretty interesting..maybe i shd take up philosophy in NUS!!!???!!!! haha...n we had fun applying those principles we learnt into our conversations!! how coOL!! how cool can U19 get!!!haha..oh well,den after trng,me,carol n ai en waited for shiya n we went to mos burger for dinner...lolX...FAST FOOD!!! =( but den,the seafood rice burger was really nice..although i didn't really noe wat i was eating..haH...can't sleep now..dun noe y...the 1st time me up so late on the comp...lolX...u noe wat!! i saw the predator pulse boots today for the 1st time!!! soOOoo coOl...!!! my goOdness...wif interchangeable studs!! n available in my size ;) i hope can find them in queensway or just somewhere in singapore...have to find a good pair of boots after AFC...dun want to go there wif lousy boots..before trng,jed said today to a few of us tat the possibility of us scoring in AFC matches were realistically,0...it was quite a FALLACy(!!!) for her to say tat but somehow i felt really excited as i tot it wld be really good for us if we cld break tat "curse"...haHa..i saw the china n south korea teams played on a video tape n found tat,well,they seemed not all tat formidable..maybe its different when u watch n when u play but....still...impossible is nothing (",) nothing at all....my left shoulder really aching now...n my elbow still the same...lolX..just now dun noe y felt my teary eyes..hHAahHAaa....but still,i have tat irritated mood in me whenever i see tat b***** person..dun try to guess...u r wasting ur time n anw,i wun tell u whu tat person is...maybe U r irritated by her too..lolX..whu's reading tis anw...haH...v tired..actually not really...im not even yawning...heE...oh yah! i met Ee Yang on the train on my way home..he's working at the MEridian..if i didn't hear wrongly..haH...yah,i met him n his gf on V Day too near Raffles Place...n u guessed wat was the 1st thing he said to me den?"dorcas,wat happened to u??"...maybe i shd ask him,"well,wat happened to me??" lolx...i really didn't noe...i asked him,"my hair too short izit??" den he said,"yar..." i mean..????????....ok,he's ur fren,dear...n Ee Yang is so soft spoken..anw,nothing's wrong wif me...maybe he has not seen me for a long time n his mind got caught up totally wif his long-haired gf...loLX...im perfectly fine,in my eyes...(",)haiZ....time seems to be FlYing!....!....is tat a good thing??arh,fallacy...heE...i really love thing fallacy thing..so mind boggling yet challenging..i like!! but does it mean tat watever or whoever u like is best for u??haha,wat am i getting at...but its a probing question yar...hmMMM...maybe i can find the answer in my dreams...

oh well,so i sprained my left elbow..it still hurts now even when i dun touch it..n do nothing..haiZ...hope the pain goes away soon..taping really leaves tape scars on my hand..just now at trng,we played 2 side n guessed wat!! i missed so many chances..dun noe y i just couldn't lift up my head to observe the pple ard me(wat a crude way to phrase it) n when i got the ball,my head was all the way down!! omg..dun noe y oso...but i got a penalty n did a gd goal assist for liza..those were the only 2 moments i remembered doing a bit better...darvina gave me many chances n a few were open goals but.....erRRR...ahhHHhhhh...all fluked them..(wrong english i guess)anw,my bad form ends today n tomorrow will be better!! facing TR on sunday...seriously,i dun think they r tat formidable..i just dun c how cm they r so good..i really want to be at my best on sunday...only my best will do against them..forget abt today's misses....the future lies ahead!!! look forward!! oh yar,i decided to take up mass comm at NTU,tat is if i can get into U la..quite interesting really..i was struggling between psychology n mass comm..but u get to learn a lot more in mass comm..quite broad..althou i do like psychology too....haiz...let god show me the way..only he knows best..n will give me the best...where's ur faith manZ...come On!!! ok,i promise i'll play better tmr..n not to forget,keep my head up!!!! =)

just to add..i was a coward again just now..i did not act according to plan!!!!! u noe wat i mean..i was early for trng but just slacked like shit down there!!! wah lah..wth..coward!! quit this act right away!!!

yo! yo! u noe wat happened at trng today?my whole left arm was taped up,well,not the whole arm but at the elbow part lar..den it was like so tight but i felt secure..lolx...anw,coach gave us our post match preview n rated us..defence:4/10 midfield:3/10 attack:4 or 3/10 well,as usual,i was disappointed in myself really...i still can't believe i didn't get tat goal..ahHhhhh...ok,deviation...anw,coach said the midfield is the main prob cuz i noe tat when i was the ONLY ONE in center mid,i had to run back n forth...think i wat arh..wah lah..n when i told coach i had a fitness prob,he said i was weak mentally...??????...??????....wth..ok,think positive...maybe he's right...maybe i should do some mental trng...serious....n i dun noe y but he kept gaving excuses for me...like he said i pulled out of some challenges n tackles cos i was afraid of my arm injury..i dun rem pulling out of any challenges really..maybe its just tat i didn't tackle...n i rem when i was on the field tat day,he shouted at me once not to be afraid..i think tat time i turned my back to a ball which i tot the opponent i was marking was abt to blast it forward...i did tat in hope tat i could deflect the ball but coach said i shouldn't be afraid..wth...i wasn't!! serious!! ok,anw...i think i should get an elbow guard..saves me time taping every trng..n saves my skin from getting pulled off!! my shoulder is starting to ache now...dun noe y..haiZ...putting ice...ahHHHhhh...i tink i should go ssc..safer manz...wah lah....but must choose an appropriate time...next game against TR...sia lah..i just hope tat coach stops giving excuses,especially to me...after this tournament,those big shots coming in so i dun noe if i can save myself a 1st team place...stop!!! think positive!! stop those negative tots infiltrating ur mind!!! unhealthy!!! not good!! ok,enuf....i noe...later watching westside story..lolx...dun noe y,but its never fails to interest me,those 5566 shows..lolx...is it a phase im going thru??lolx..

dun noe y,i woke up tis morning feeling pretty depressed..i remembered trying not to sleep on my left the whole night n i guessed i was pretty peeved cos im so used to sleeping on my left..anw,i dun noe y oso,but i had a tot tat maybe plan A wasn't gonna work..its a sad thing to say really...but den,i dun want to give up hope so quickly..maybe its just a phase im going thru n as long as i overcome the difficulties right thru,i may c smtg else later in time..but this morning,i didn't start off right so rit now,im in a pretty low mood..yesterday,5566 was at J8 n the queue to watch those 5 guys were as long as half the causeway i guess...all the way from the mall to outside bishan ITE...of cuz,at the end of the day,all u c r the rubbish generated scattered by the roadside..mainly from McDonalds..loLx...whu to blame??haH..dun ask me...i can't be bothered ..but u noe wat,i heard sun xie zhi's voice at the mrt station cuz their performance area was close n it pretty loud..the screaming n all...haiZ...luckily im not as crazy as some of those pple out there...after all,all of us r humans..wats so immortal about 5566 tat gals have to scream everytime anyone of them say a word or simply smile..haha...maybe its a phase for these gals too...just like wat im going thru..lolX...u noe wat..im not going to let myself wallow in self pity...no way...i have to recover from the past,asap...which means NOW!!! should get back to work,work as in my plan A.. =) may the power be with me!

today was an eventful day,though it mainly concerned only 1 major event.u19's first challenge cup game against ITE..we lost 3-0..not a bad score really..as usual i played center midfield n tracy was allowed to roam.we played wif 5 defence.1 striker.i have to say tat i was a bit more aggressive..a bit only..n i did put in a few tackles.not bad for an improvement! thou theres still a long way to go...the game was quite fast n high balls,clearance long balls were blasted to n fro..i dun really like tis type of playing style were defenders,especially of the opposition just now,just blasted n pumped the ball up.its like,not pretty.not stylish.not beautiful anymore.football is supposed to be a beautiful game n by just kicking the ball hard n high into the air,it really irks me.but den,whu wld agree wif me tat this method of playing is wrong..duh...wat matters is the result isnt it.. =( anw,i missed 1 great chance in the box.our corner was cleared n ai en had the ball at the far post.she calmly laid it back for me(i was standing just outside the box) n i ran into the box,into the path of the ball,knowing tat if i contacted the ball well n had enuf power on it,it wld be a goal..in the end,it flew up but wide of the near post.i was so disapointed!!! i couldn't believe it!! i missed!!the goal mouth was staring wide eyed at me,just in front of me n i missed!!!!! i just can't believe it..i should have buried it..i remembered oso 1 potential goal assist which ahhHHhhhh just got blocked off by a defender.there was a space between nuriah n a defender,and atikah was at the other side of the same defender.i wanted to flick a through ball wif my outside right foot n i am very sure tat it would be a good pass.BUT! the defender caught my move..ahHHhhhh....tat could have been a goal..!!!! well,i didn't play all tat well either.i supposedly made quite a number of mistakes.i laid the ball back to the defence quite a number of times.some of the times,i was at fault,but some of the times,in my opinion,was the safe option,only tat coach n liza were screaming at me.even jed was screaming,oh well,not really loudly but just calling me to stop such back passes..oh well...i dun noe y but i realised tat sometimes in the field,i tend to fear responsibility n push it to another player.for e.g.,just now at the restart,i told atikah to pass the ball to pam for her to kick it into the opponents half cos i failed after trying a number of times.prob i was too nervous n tried to control the ball before lauching a long ball.i noe it so cowardly of me to do tat.sometimes even at corners,i wld ask atikah to take a long one instead of a short one involving me.i tink i do fear failure,fear tat i wld give the ball away.and this fear is definitely so cowardly.im a coward.maybe i lack confidence.i seriously condemn myself of such acts.i promise to remember not to commit them ever again...!!! coward!!! ok,so i guess this game shd be a good lesson for me..n i should practise more of those restarts..i told physio about my elbow injury..the new physio mandy...she was really nice about it..she first helped me tape it up n after the game she checked for me.she said the problem was all the way back to my joints near my shoulder..i then remembered tat my shoulder,left shoulder,does ache everytime i play drums for too long n even now,i can feel the pain coming.she said my joints were "special" n weren't properly aligned before..maybe cuz of a fall or whatever..but i dun remember really..so its linked all the way to my elbow n wrist..its definitely not tennis elbow..haHa..so i have to tape it up every trng.. =( so ma fan...n she said to ice too n c how it goes...when i heard tat she said my whole skeleton was practically falling apart,i was shocked.but think of it,its pretty scary..falling apart...*sob* noooooOOOOOOOoooooooo......ok,stop sulking.get on wif life..u still have a long way to go n only perseverance will carry u thru!! i really fear my place wld be lost in the team.after the challenge cup,the selections for AFC wld be v strict,in my opinion,n seeing how the ITE girls whu oso play for u19 in AFC played today,i am a little stressed out..not intimidated,definitely not..but i noe tat i have to work much more..especially on my speed...i have to learn to beat opponents..like changing of pace..i have to learn this...n i tink i lack the fitness/stamina too....noOOOooooooo....wayyYYYYYYyyyyyy.......!!!!!!!! haiZ....my shoulder is really aching now...i have to stop sleeping on my left side from now on...face up!!ok,let me think..what else to blog har...hmMmmm...like got sooooOO many tots but can't rem..all popped up on my way home..oh yah..! i was just thinking...i still can't adapt to the pace/speed of the game,i mean the speed of a league or challenge cup game...n i tink its something like the first time i played street soccer for eb.remember i once told bernard tat i feel tat the game is too fast n i can't catch up..cos i was playing wif sharon,az n suhana..they were veterans,so called...but after some time,i got used to the pace n adapted...soooOO,i was thinking,maybe this is the transition period im in now,for field soccer..persevere on n u may see the light..lolX...anw,anthony robbins said "success lies on the flip side of failure". overcome failure n u would uncover success.. =)

today is V Day..woke up quite early this morn,at least,the earliest for quite a few days oredi..7.15am..u noe y?haHa..cuz i heard 5566's shou hou on 933..yes,i have a radio clock! lolX...yeah,later got drum lesson..den going out for dinner wif yi fen,jo n grace..city hall...prob kenny rogers!!haHa..i hope tat my elbow wun cause any problems cos i really hate the pain.i dun play tennis!! v bored..so online now..dun feel like reading..wats the point now..at least for today...my mind is elsewhere...n i dun tink i can carry those 4kg weights..its not a limit i put on myself but i dun wan the pain to aggravate..maybe shd c a doc..tmr got game..haiZ..dunnno y,im quite intent on taking psychology at nus..i asked god to show me the way a few times oredi..at first,i tot of business..den after tat engineering..for no reason!! maybe i do miss science..haha..but those tots were just on the spur of the moment..i noe tat..psychology,i dunno wat im gonna be in future but im interested in studying the most impt n most sophisticated part of the human body-the brain!! dun u tink its interesting...if u can thoroughly understand how the brain works,u can learn to maximise its potential n make urself a better person!! haHa..anyway,u noe wats the very one thing i do not want to lose in tis lifetime??........my character n values i have picked up..cuz i noe they r the right ones n i do not want to be influenced into losing them..i want to be a person of upright character so tat pple will look up to me,respect me n admire me for whu i am..tats what i want to attain,other than my plan A ambitions ;) i want to be the perfect person,in character.haHa,at least in my opinion..feeling bored!! empty!! u noe y...(",) let this day pass quickly(do i really mean it?)...

yoz..ok..sorry for this impromptu blog..i just read elmo's blog..really nice...n interesting..lots to read...n she mentioned me!!haha..nth much lar..but if u forgot the contents,go read again!!lolx...i like to read pple's blogs but dun allow pple to read mine..haha..so wah lah rit...lolx...i just feel tat its too private..haha..sunday's game against ITE..im playing defensive midfield..hah..well,u noe how i feel..i really want to up my game..i still have a long way to go..but i do hope n really want this challenge cup tournament to be a success...or at least show improvement..today,a v dumb,lame,stupid incident which infuriated me happened at trng...we were carrying the goal post,the big one,back to its place n u noe,im still carrying my left arm injury...dun noe izit sprain or wat..at the wrist n elbow..den i cldn't lift the lower wheel of the post to position..n that bloody *** just shooed me off n lifted the bloody thing to the right position..her attitude was bloody shi**y n the moment she approached me at way,i got heated up inside..i noe its a small matter but i really detest such behavior...trying to prove something??hah...tats only the behavior of a low self-esteeem person..****** i wld say..i just can't stop detesting such pple..but u noe wat,she could take full length corners..n inswingers they were...i have to work hard now..i noe there's a limit to the distance my high balls can cover but i will improve on tat...i wun lose to her..not her..not ***..not this ******..no waY..not dorcas...becuz i noe i can do it much better than her..definitely...bernard having this chalet at pasir ris..dunno whether to go or not...of cuz im free lar..but den..whus going??tats the point...siGH...i somehow do miss tat person... (")

yoZ,tmr is valentine's day! today we celebrated ai en n tracy's bday.i was responsible for buying a cake n there were sooooo many valentine day's cakes!!! breadtalk,crystal jade n soo many at small stalls in taka...!!! n they'll all so nicely decorated n pleasing to the eye..!!the 1st time i say the intricate,small cute ones at breadtalk,i seriously wanted to buy one for someone..for tat person...but den..u noe...i dun noe i sudddenly felt tat rush...n that sudden feeling of emptiness...i really want to spend tmr wif tat person..but its 100% impossible..i noe..

dunNo y..i felt preetttyyy good abt myself today,after trng..cos maybe i did practise a bit better than before..n i just hope i can continue my form..cheeRS!! :)

yOs..i woke up pretty late tis morn..ard 8.20..lolX...my latest so far,for weekdays tat is..n these days,can't keep to having breakfast at the correct time..sigH..must be more disciplined..huMph..tis sats valentine's day..going for dinner wif yi fen,jo n grace.didn't noe tat it was v day till i realised the dat:feb 14..hahA..ANW,oso free wat..dunno y,these days alwaz get headaches..duno izit too much wind-blowing or soaking in rain..hah..hope it doesnt affect my memory..lolX...i just bought a chinese book yesterday..pretty gd..inspiring n most imptly,probing..haha..i just love such stuff....makes me think abt my life now n in the future..no looking back thou..even if there is,its to reflect on my mistakes.n tats a good thing.got quite a number of books to read oso..all from library..hurrying to read them all before due date..lolX..but seriously,its to learn n enjoy reading most imptly..dun feel in the mood to train today,or even go out...duno y...these days i alwaz feel v tired,my whole body like overworked n aching..siGh..maybe im growing older..lolX....anw,its feb now..1 more month to release of results..maybe i'll take psychology..im still now sure..plAN B!!!??!!!!

i get very frustrated when pple just can't stop nagging at my ears n repeating the bloody same old thing,thinking tat i wouldn't do what i noe i would do..fcuk..can't surf the net in peace...can't listen to music...fcuk...can't log on to friendster,thinking stupidly tat im making online friends..fcuk...i feel v peeved now..

today,we played Home United at Yishun Stadium.we lost 4-0,which was a respectable scoreline.i played center midfield wif charanjit for the 1st half n i believed tat it was because of the presence of a few better players tat we played a bit better n liza shouted less.. ;) which,to me was much better.i can't say tat i played badly but i felt tat i did ok..though coach took me off during half-time.i played a few balls forward but the strikers didn't get it.my fault.i always feel so uncomposed n "panicky"(though i dun feel the panic) when i get the ball.N the worst thing is tat my head is always DOWN.i dun noe y but i can't get my head up to look for options!! although i tried reminding myself many times.maybe its the fear tat i would lose the ball if i dun look at it.i shd change tis serious bad habit.my positioning needs improvement too.n im not tackling or going for the ball enough,or aggressive enough.i shd do tat.but i just dun noe y,i dun want to commit a tackle.i dun noe wat coach thinks of me as a player but he did say tat some of us chickened out in the game n gave too much respect to the opponents.i hope he wasn't mentioning me cos i did not.its just my supposedly wrong way of playing,the non-aggressive way.but the most serious shortcoming of mine is tat my head is always down.if i can change tis bad habit,i believe i can play as well as the best midfielder,in singapore or anywhere.im just not composed enuf n just can't find the balance n composure to play MY game.i dun noe if it is true,but i hate the fact tat im being overshadowed after the new players come in.i fear tat pple would see tat im not so good after all n im not essential or helpful to the team.tats what i dread most.i dun want to lose my 1st team position.i need to practise harder n more diligently.i have the time.i should make use of it.only a few more months to AFC,where greater promises lie,if i do reach standards.my own standards,which are not low.i want to assist goals,score goals,make intelligent passes n have the vision in midfield.i want to be a playmaker,not just one which receives the ball n shoot.i need to be calm but makes decisions fast so tat the game will flow.i need to challenge for the ball,be hard n not wait for the ball.i need to turn fast,react fast n RUN fast."Chickening" ;)

loH n beHolD..i just finished the John McEnroe autobiography,Serious...it was a pretty good read...before tat,i had read the biographies of Pele,Tiger Woods n the autobiographies of Ian Rush,Geoff Hurst...n many more to come..i love reading about the lives of these famous n successful pple cos i truly get into their lives n their thoughts,making me totally immersed in another person's life.i love tat kind of feeling.its like getting away from the world n into the world of someone u look up to or hope to follow.seriously,i truly got to learn of the values,thoughts,ideas n qualities of these successful pple n i want to learn from them.modelling,tats wat anthony robbins calls it.hopefully,one day,i get to write my own autobiography..loLx..for now,its on to the story of Jack Nicklaus.

alrit,guess wat...today while i was practising at TN, before trng,i met this chinese guy from china whu wanted to enquire to be a p.e. teacher.he saw me practising n started to "dian qiu", which means juggle the ball,on his own...den he toked to me loh..n tested my skills..lolx...teached me some stuff...the most impt one was tat he taught me the part of the foot to use to kick high ball...i hope i will finally get it consistently right...thanks to him...hope to meet him again so tat he can teach me...maybe it was god whu sent him to me...haha..but he wants to conduct football classes for small kids...he told me abt the kids in china n how they trained...anw,it was nice meeting him..i really want to practise hard to get tis contact of high ball right once n for all.

hOi!guess what...i just read mario's blog...haha..rem,its http://ewor.blogspot.com..yeah....nice of her to let me read when i jolly wun let any others read mine..lolX...not ready for such intrusion of privacy yet...haha...anyway,u really get to know a person more of u read his or her blog,tat is if he or she is seriously writing it like a personal diary n not just for others to read lar..seriously,i find mario someone i can tok to easily..esp online..dun noe y oso..maybe she's as crazi as me n i can complain to her the whole day long...haha..den we wld tok abt cedar..yeaH...n she wld tell me lots of stuff abt kevin,andres,danny blah blah....really enjoyable..i feel at ease wif a few u19 pple..like elmo,mario whom i can just freely express myself...suhanthi etc....anyway,going excavating tomorrow!! haha..miss someone quite a bit cos haven't contacted tat person for some time oredi...hopefully soon..lolX...till den,its gou gou saying bb... ;)

today,i played for eb against sporting westlake...i seriously didn't score...although i was hoping to..but i did quite ok in midfield...made a few assists n nice passes,in my opinion..i had a few shots on goal,one hit the near post..some others r typical:running wif the ball into the penalty area den getting brought down by the defender..i was running too much n shd hv taken a shot quickly..oso dun noe y when ever i am running wif the ball to shoot,my confidence is just nowhere in sight..im not confident tat i can score....siGh..but bernard said i played ok n i guess i did improve a bit in passing as a midfield player..just hope tat i can score too..jill had a hat-trick n meli just blasted so many pass the keeper..cynthia scored 1 tremendous 1..she ran straight into the penalty box without breaking stride n thumped the cross from kaka straight into the net..wOw..u could just hear the power of the ball..anyway,i just need to keep improving..n be confident in my shooting..hmMmm...i need to practise more but im not afraid..i aim to be an all rounded player..tats my ultimate aim n i really want to achieve it.