today,we played Home United at Yishun Stadium.we lost 4-0,which was a respectable scoreline.i played center midfield wif charanjit for the 1st half n i believed tat it was because of the presence of a few better players tat we played a bit better n liza shouted less.. ;) which,to me was much better.i can't say tat i played badly but i felt tat i did ok..though coach took me off during half-time.i played a few balls forward but the strikers didn't get it.my fault.i always feel so uncomposed n "panicky"(though i dun feel the panic) when i get the ball.N the worst thing is tat my head is always DOWN.i dun noe y but i can't get my head up to look for options!! although i tried reminding myself many times.maybe its the fear tat i would lose the ball if i dun look at it.i shd change tis serious bad habit.my positioning needs improvement too.n im not tackling or going for the ball enough,or aggressive enough.i shd do tat.but i just dun noe y,i dun want to commit a tackle.i dun noe wat coach thinks of me as a player but he did say tat some of us chickened out in the game n gave too much respect to the opponents.i hope he wasn't mentioning me cos i did not.its just my supposedly wrong way of playing,the non-aggressive way.but the most serious shortcoming of mine is tat my head is always down.if i can change tis bad habit,i believe i can play as well as the best midfielder,in singapore or anywhere.im just not composed enuf n just can't find the balance n composure to play MY game.i dun noe if it is true,but i hate the fact tat im being overshadowed after the new players come in.i fear tat pple would see tat im not so good after all n im not essential or helpful to the team.tats what i dread most.i dun want to lose my 1st team position.i need to practise harder n more diligently.i have the time.i should make use of it.only a few more months to AFC,where greater promises lie,if i do reach standards.my own standards,which are not low.i want to assist goals,score goals,make intelligent passes n have the vision in midfield.i want to be a playmaker,not just one which receives the ball n shoot.i need to be calm but makes decisions fast so tat the game will flow.i need to challenge for the ball,be hard n not wait for the ball.i need to turn fast,react fast n RUN fast."Chickening" ;)