today was an eventful day,though it mainly concerned only 1 major event.u19's first challenge cup game against ITE..we lost 3-0..not a bad score really..as usual i played center midfield n tracy was allowed to roam.we played wif 5 defence.1 striker.i have to say tat i was a bit more aggressive..a bit only..n i did put in a few tackles.not bad for an improvement! thou theres still a long way to go...the game was quite fast n high balls,clearance long balls were blasted to n fro..i dun really like tis type of playing style were defenders,especially of the opposition just now,just blasted n pumped the ball up.its like,not pretty.not stylish.not beautiful anymore.football is supposed to be a beautiful game n by just kicking the ball hard n high into the air,it really irks me.but den,whu wld agree wif me tat this method of playing is wrong..duh...wat matters is the result isnt it.. =( anw,i missed 1 great chance in the box.our corner was cleared n ai en had the ball at the far post.she calmly laid it back for me(i was standing just outside the box) n i ran into the box,into the path of the ball,knowing tat if i contacted the ball well n had enuf power on it,it wld be a goal..in the end,it flew up but wide of the near post.i was so disapointed!!! i couldn't believe it!! i missed!!the goal mouth was staring wide eyed at me,just in front of me n i missed!!!!! i just can't believe it..i should have buried it..i remembered oso 1 potential goal assist which ahhHHhhhh just got blocked off by a defender.there was a space between nuriah n a defender,and atikah was at the other side of the same defender.i wanted to flick a through ball wif my outside right foot n i am very sure tat it would be a good pass.BUT! the defender caught my move..ahHHhhhh....tat could have been a goal..!!!! well,i didn't play all tat well either.i supposedly made quite a number of mistakes.i laid the ball back to the defence quite a number of times.some of the times,i was at fault,but some of the times,in my opinion,was the safe option,only tat coach n liza were screaming at me.even jed was screaming,oh well,not really loudly but just calling me to stop such back passes..oh well...i dun noe y but i realised tat sometimes in the field,i tend to fear responsibility n push it to another player.for e.g.,just now at the restart,i told atikah to pass the ball to pam for her to kick it into the opponents half cos i failed after trying a number of times.prob i was too nervous n tried to control the ball before lauching a long ball.i noe it so cowardly of me to do tat.sometimes even at corners,i wld ask atikah to take a long one instead of a short one involving me.i tink i do fear failure,fear tat i wld give the ball away.and this fear is definitely so cowardly.im a coward.maybe i lack confidence.i seriously condemn myself of such acts.i promise to remember not to commit them ever again...!!! coward!!! ok,so i guess this game shd be a good lesson for me..n i should practise more of those restarts..i told physio about my elbow injury..the new physio mandy...she was really nice about it..she first helped me tape it up n after the game she checked for me.she said the problem was all the way back to my joints near my shoulder..i then remembered tat my shoulder,left shoulder,does ache everytime i play drums for too long n even now,i can feel the pain coming.she said my joints were "special" n weren't properly aligned before..maybe cuz of a fall or whatever..but i dun remember really..so its linked all the way to my elbow n wrist..its definitely not tennis elbow..haHa..so i have to tape it up every trng.. =( so ma fan...n she said to ice too n c how it goes...when i heard tat she said my whole skeleton was practically falling apart,i was shocked.but think of it,its pretty scary..falling apart...*sob* noooooOOOOOOOoooooooo......ok,stop sulking.get on wif life..u still have a long way to go n only perseverance will carry u thru!! i really fear my place wld be lost in the team.after the challenge cup,the selections for AFC wld be v strict,in my opinion,n seeing how the ITE girls whu oso play for u19 in AFC played today,i am a little stressed out..not intimidated,definitely not..but i noe tat i have to work much more..especially on my speed...i have to learn to beat opponents..like changing of pace..i have to learn this...n i tink i lack the fitness/stamina too....noOOOooooooo....wayyYYYYYYyyyyyy.......!!!!!!!! haiZ....my shoulder is really aching now...i have to stop sleeping on my left side from now on...face up!!ok,let me think..what else to blog har...hmMmmm...like got sooooOO many tots but can't rem..all popped up on my way home..oh yah..! i was just thinking...i still can't adapt to the pace/speed of the game,i mean the speed of a league or challenge cup game...n i tink its something like the first time i played street soccer for eb.remember i once told bernard tat i feel tat the game is too fast n i can't catch up..cos i was playing wif sharon,az n suhana..they were veterans,so called...but after some time,i got used to the pace n adapted...soooOO,i was thinking,maybe this is the transition period im in now,for field soccer..persevere on n u may see the light..lolX...anw,anthony robbins said "success lies on the flip side of failure". overcome failure n u would uncover success.. =)