Seeing the number smacked right at the top of 'THE STRAITS TIMES' increasing exponentially each day, i really can't help but really wonder if it is so possible that so many people are found dead each day.It's kind of impossible for me and too much for me to comprehend. 'IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING', sort of applies very well here.siGh.It's a very sad ending to the year and makes any celebration meaningless.I really think it is more humane and sensible+sensitive for all celebrations to be cancelled and have a mourning period broadcast live for everyone where ever we are, for a moment of silence.I think i would be terribly devastated if any one of the people i knew went with the wind(tsunami actually.heE.). But fortunately, God is and has not been so cruel towards me as to take away any of my beloved family members and people whom i know dearly and i hope it stays that way.hEe.
This event clearly showed how generous and kind hearted Singaporeans can be even when the economy isn't booming and i believe those contributing aren't only those who belong to the higher income group. I am so thankful that i am a Singaporean and so proud of my country! I am really glad I was born right here, right in this small red dot whom some people describe as no bigger than a,ehem,*****(whatever you call it. =P )
But of course there would be a group of people who take no heed to what is happening because it isn't affecting them at all.This takes me to the point i want to make.
I really regret going to bbq nite. While we were having 'fun' at the chalet, we forgot about what was and is still happening. I feel guilty that while i am 'enjoying' myself, many dead bodies are still being uncovered and people are still mourning for their loved ones. Worse still, I don't like the games we played, which i think should not be encouraged. This may also be partially why i decided to skip trng today. (heE.)
In fact, i have been wondering a lot about football in my life because it seems to have lost priority over time. Maybe it's not football but the influence of the club and the people in there who are overshadowing my passion for football. I know i should not be influenced by the people and environment around me but ultimately, all these affect my football.sadly. =(
I did not and still do not like the way the big yellow bird encouraged us to take part in the games because that only shows how dirty and corrupted he is up there.Which is well known to everybody. But to this and because i want to continue playing football, i closed one eye.for very long.until recently when i started asking myself, do i really want to play for such a coach? for such a team?
the bbq nite was the spark which really bothered me.
but.i have no where else to play my football if i quit eb.
so coward of me isn't it.
to 'sacrifice' my conscience for football,
because i fear.
i know i need to take control of my feelings,i need to think more than to feel.i need to take the right actions, make the right decisions and not succumb to any pressure and do things against my conscience, which is very important to me but which also makes me procrastinate when i cannot make up my mind.



the best way to get rid of a problem is to solve it.

May 2005 be a more fufilling and peaceful year for everybody. =D

BBQ day was,
1. happy to
2. bored to
3. hungry to
4. filled-up to
5. happy(once again) to
6. dreadful to
7. alarming to
8. feeling not right to
9. disgusted to
10. being an idiot to
11. having to go against my conscience to
12. having a totally different opinion of the people i thought i knew to
13. being even more disgusted with the big yellow bird to
14. praying for forgiveness to
15. telling myself to forget about the night to
16. reminding myself who i am and who i still want to be to
17. taking part in the 'Amazing Race' to
18. staying out after 12 for the first time to
19. having fun with 3 others to
20. being dead beat yet


still dreaming of..

你好不好

你什么都没说只是牵着我的手
那一秒钟也胜过一句爱我
你手中的温柔还在我心里逗留
爱情却已变成停格的镜头
感觉少了些什么
你好不好当你开口对我这么说
我就懂了你做的选择爱若让你变得不快乐
我宁愿还给你自由
也许我应该保持沉默
留给彼此一个再见的理由
但在你转身后眼泪却不停流
我并不是懦弱害怕面对独自生活
只是你的影子总跟着我走
让我的心不自由
我想我已学会了和寂寞做朋友
只是我想起你居然有一道伤口
隐隐作痛

And this! =P 

watch this! haha! 

another pic from the brother n sister album! =D 

brother n me! after trng on wed. hee. =D 

haiZ.I am feeling depressed.It came all of a sudden when I saw some words. I really cannot understand why the feeling is still there.Am I really going to be burdened by it for the rest of my life??? But on the other hand, I do not know if I want the feeling to be gone. haiZ.(purposely no caps.haha.)
I think feelings/emotions are really merciless.Really.You cannot have total control over them but they can have total control over you.You have to have massive mental strength to tell yourself that you will get over those feelings and throw them away forever. But they still keep tapping at your front door.
Luke left our church. Sunday was his last worship with us and having learnt quite a lot from him while I played the drums all these while, of course I felt something when worship ended on Sunday. Though I am not very close to him but I did felt sad. And this really happens many many times in our lives, where people around us have to leave our side. Some leave forever, some leave for a while but ultimately, they leave. And when they leave, the closeness that was once present will definitely fade away and disappear. Did i mention this before? Oh yes I did.Tracy right.(If you remember what you told me, JTRL.HeE.) I don't like it when people say, 'shi4 jie4 shang4 mei2 you3 bu4 shan4 de4 yan4 xi2.' I hate it. I hate the fact that people have to leave, whether it is just leaving your side, or death. I especially hate it when you no longer have contact with those people you were once so close with. But I cannot do anything about it, can I? Although I really wished i could.
Especially when it comes to love.haiZ. It takes so much to meet someone out of 4 million people. And in a split second, you can just lose that person. How sad.(not a sacarstic tone)
I failed my job test. I did not know how to use Adobe ImageReady to do those animations I was asked to do so,no job. I think I really have to speed up my 'learning softwares' campaign.haiZ.This whole holidays, I only finished Freehand and am now stuck with Flash and Photoshop.Photoshop simply sucks for me.I do not know why. Flash seems quite fun really. But the learning process is very slow.Maybe its me.Haha.(I think i sound too serious, so added a 'haha'.lolX.)

I wish for a time machine this Christmas.(not being realistic.fine.) Many times I asked myself if I want to go back in time.And the answer was always no. Now, I have doubts about my answer.
Maybe in my dreams.

well,as you can see from my latest tag, (smirk), i have decided to turn over a new leaf (sob). well,in a sense, i am trying to correct the way i speak and write. of course, to correct means to improve and that means to perfect which means to speak and write and BEHAVE more like a pro. am i just trying to add some spice to my blog with these foreign (so foreign) words? no.
i think it is time i speak and write properly. for example, no more 'leh', 'lar', 'hor' and what have you. especially when i speak, i know speech is more difficult to correct because you just blurt out what comes to your mind first.but nonetheless, it is definitely worth a try (or more tries). especially also when i am messaging.terrible.

so! all you friends out there! support me in my campaign towards a more polished dorko will you all!

cheers =D

please do not laugh at me for this. =)

and not to forget, i will definitely check my spelling before i blog or tag.

hi.im back.back from a dull n unexciting journey from the east.actually i wld rather i have stayed in sg,probably the best place in the world.the only thing im glad abt is that i bought jay's book for only $18.haH.juz a quick blog of what i can rem,which is of cuz,quite little,of this trip which didn't exactly excite me.
what i rem clearly is that most of the time we had to travel long hours on the bus/coach.double deck.that's real distinct but not really den since all the other travel buses were double decked too.for a day we can be sitting in the same seat on the bus for 7 hrs.of cuz not continuously otherwise i wld have been bored to death.n not here blogging for whose sake i dun noe.2nd complain,too little time to shop.this is one big complain from most of us cuz we juz weren't given enuf time to roam the streets of Taipei esp, n KaoHsiung.fine.so juz these two points made me really off the mood to travel.moreover,we were brought to places where we were brought there specially to spend on stuff like, erm,royal jelly,lin zhi,deer's embryo,diff parts of the deer,wild pig meat n worst of all,fung shui items like the stupid animal which consists of a dragon's head,horse's body n i duno wth type of legs.
i really,ehem,or sort of have chose to stay in sg.when i go travelling, unless it was like for tournament, i feel like my life is so disrupted.no order.den i have to resume it as soon as i get back.one good thing is that i learn to appreciate Singapore,which is the best place to stay,to eat n to have fun.n of cuz,to shop.
the food in taiwan cannot be compared to sg's at all.what Shilin night market,famous eateries,omgosh,i think taiwanese are like frogs in a very deep x5 well.nv see the world out there.think their food is the best.come to sg manZ......that is not to say that nothing is nice there.of cuz there are nice stuff but nothing compared to sg's.lolX.im so proud of my country! =D
hmmm....so glad to be back.resume my routine.when i was in Taiwan, they were having some elections and all over the place,everywhere u go, u definitely see flags n banners of the dang xuan rens.all over the place manZ..some hotels were great,some were like prison cells,the latter of cuz can be found in those countryside areas like hua1 lian2 n jiu3 fen4.now i know,as long as the hotel doesn't have a bellboy to carry ur luggages up to ur room,u're in for a hell of a night manZ.some were damn good.got many many channels.cable channels.HBO,ESPN n many chinese ones.gd! =) watched The BOuRne IdentiTY there.woW! great movie...
so,very little shopping loh...disappointed..what stupid 101 building...all branded stuff...new york x2 building oso dunno like wth manZ...the food there is mostly oily.yup.took lots of pics.
so....erm...i mian qiang bought some things which i liked to fufill my promises to some pple lar har...of cuz cannot fan hui....but if i dun like that thing i wun buy deh...heeE..
k loh...can't wait to start trng again...miss football...miss lots of things,non-living,living,but not dead(s). =P