aye.im very tired.my right calf has been aching seen this morning.like a strain.maybe cuz i din stretch properly yesterday.today's games were rubbish.we played only 2 games.spent 1 1/2 hrs sitting and waiting for 5pm.i dunno why some people cant think properly.they must have got a screw loose.that is their problem.the first game against sporting westlake was the greatest indication that our team was not strong enough.in fact i think we haven't even teamed up before in trngs.and last minute,that big yellow Nerd put this team together.FINE.that is an uncontrollable.so we should try to play together.but the fact is for the 2 games we did not.or could not.i know it's not exactly right to blame the Nerd but seriously,we need to have played together to be able to play properly together.and its a tournament.not something i take lightly.just go there,play,lose,go home.the second game against the china team was like shit.literally.we got thrashed.i really got nothing to say.cuz i din play well for the 2 games.and i think we all got lost.we have only ourselves to blame.some people may think that i take losses too seriously.but really,do you like to keep on losing?continue playing badly and at the end of the day you just shrug it off?i can't do that.i have to feel depressed.i have to feel down.frustrated.and i need to show it.it's an expression.if i were to keep telling myself positive stuff that all these losses arent anything significant,then im lying to myself.i know we are supposed to think positive all the time,but don you think that if you continue that way,you are missing something?you are missing the feeling of being negative.pessimistic.well,that was what i was thinking about on my way home.we weren't allowed to go home until i dun noe what time but i just went home.i dun really care what he is going to say to the teams anyway.
i dun noe to be manipulated.but for the sake of playing,i can't help it.i know its going to happen in NSSL.every year its the same thing.im stuck in a cycle.vicious cycle.rem sec sch geog.HAHA.dun spell vicious as viscious.(???) =P i rem that was what our geog teacher told me.dun mix geog wif history.
sometimes i think its all becuz i want to play.and there's no other club which is so involved in st soccer,field and have consistent trngs.i really dun mind that we do not have week long breaks after league or CC.i think it is not necessary.and is not beneficial either.so....im stuck.but really,i think i have not put much thought into trying to find a solution to this sticky problem.maybe i dun really care.football is really, really too beautiful a game to give up on.i believe i will regret if i do that.

it's always difficult to leave because you never know if you have done enough.