i still cant rem at my fingertips what day or date is today.haha.my mind still floating ard between china n sg.lol.anw,today was a hectic day for me manz.cuz public hols so went out in the morn wif family for breakfast,went to orchard n den for lunch.den i last minute decided to go for the game at braddell,which i arrived late n so my warm-up was like not proper.n idiotically, i was put to play in the 1st half when i told berd that i wld be late so pls put me in 2nd half. n as expected i played rubbish football.serious.i was so pissed off wif myself cuz i got 2 scoring chances n my leg just wouldn't swing n had zero power.i couldn't believe what i was doing n i screamed at myself.haha.but really,i was so angry.n i dun noe why but i felt so unfamiliar when i had the pre-game ball exercises.like when i stopped n passed the ball,crossed n everything..wah piang,like it has been a century since i did that...but somehow that's true..the past week's trng in china was so damn slack..trngs were 1 1/2 hrs per day n the things we did were like so minimal..i did not have the chance to practise shooting or crossing at all..unlike senior team trngs overseas, as farah told me..ok,i know the problem is wif me but still i feel that after this trip, i like know lesser and lesser abt football..really..like i lost something...maybe we enjoyed ourselves too much in china..but now i am like so panicky at what's happening to me and at the same time so burned out that i really dun noe what to do next..haiz..the thought of quitting soccer n seriously learning another new sport even came to my mind...i just dun want n hate to perform below what i know i can do! its so despairing(?) n so sickening..u will feel damn damn damn lousy..after game,went for 2 waffle cones wif nurul..lol..couldn't help it...but i promise from tmr onwards, no such stuff anymore..haiz...can i stop sighing..maybe this is just a transition period for me..sometimes i dun noe whether to give myself a break or to get on wif what i used to do cuz i shdn't break the momentum for too long rit...cuz if u do,the momentum may be gone forever..n the first step is always the most difficult n most disappointing...its like warming up lar...so i guess today's poor performance was a warm up to better performances...haha..how i wish today was saturday..suddenly felt like going to church..lol...anw, me got cable tv liao! haha..subscribed liao...today at starhub...happi! cuz can watch live matches liao..euro 2004!! rawk on!! haha..luckily tmr is rest day...haiz...aye,see, i forgot what i wanna say liao..hmmm...oh yar,i just found out myself about myself...something which is new n which is i think, my character...erm,i realised that if someone whom i have no particular interest in suddenly shows signs of having particular interest in me (understand what i am saying rit..) den i will sort of have like fear in me..u noe...like i will feel a bit afraid n i will try to minimise my contact wif this person...yar lah..that was what i found out when i was in china..dun ask me too much ok..haha..so,its a new finding!!! =P
nth much liao..i feel like slping again..yesterday i slpt before lunch,after lunch n went to bed ard 9pm..lol..wonder what time i get to count sheeps tonite..haha..